The Perks Of Dating A Fruitcake

By any means - as my boyfriend will tell you - I am not exactly the "perfect catch". My ability to misinterpret the smallest or most meaningless of actions is perfected to a fine art, I'm less than impressed by any kind of beard and it really can be my way or the highway. He is almost definitely nodding his head as he reads this. But come on, there have to be some pros of dating me? Surely?

The thought struck me recently when one evening in my sad virtual life, I noticed the "Perks Of Dating Me" trend on Twitter. Scrolling through people's Tweets, I found some responses that made me chuckle, and others that made me feel...well, almost bad for the person writing them. The prime example was "I'm pretty ugly so you will always look good next to me!". Now, I'm sure in some instances this does apply; as a self-confessed beauty product addict and relentless unpractical dresser, to take away the little mask hiding reality sometimes does have "oooer" sort of results. But y'know what? I think that's part of what relationships are about; your beau being able to see you when you look like an elbow, and you not being all that embarrassed about it.

Hmm...

Anyway - not really what this post is about. The point is that whilst I can seriously suck at the glaringly obvious parts of a relationship, I think I make up for it in other less conventional ways.

• My party trick is that I can touch my nose with my tongue. Do you know how many people on earth can do that?! Seriously. The door to infinite possibilities swings open.

• Excluding Singstar and Eye Toy (which apparently - and it's a slap in the face every time it's said to me - don't even count as "proper games"), I really do suck at gaming. I have difficult enough time translating my tumultuous array of thoughts to a keyboard a lot of the time! But I will gladly provide commentary for yours.

• I am a cheap date and will never sweet talk you into taking me somewhere fancy; saying No to Nobu and yes to "let's eat & underdress". So hey, I'm down for a gleeful, hand-in-hand stroll to McDonalds if you are. The power of the Sweet Talk, in my eyes, has only been harnessed to charm our loved ones into buying us McFlurries and ginger biscuits.

You're just too good to be true...can't take my eyyyyees off of youuuuuu

 

 

• Spiders? Fine, cool. Snakes? It's cool, I'm unlikely to bump into one. Heights? Meh. As far as stereotypical worries go, I'm relatively fearless. However, my traces of tension derive from the far more trivial; loud noises make me jump, flying puts me on edge, and I'm not too big on cats either. The perk of having such a wet blanket of a girlfriend is that I will make you feel manly in comparison.

• In the spirit of being a peaceful panda, I will never complain about what film we watch.

• Whilst almost every other aspect of my personality indicates that I am well and truly a girl's girl, the one trait that lets me down is that I am fascinated by burping. I am TRAGIC for a good burp. If you proclaim in true boyish fashion that you wish to burp the alphabet, I will not scold you, nor will I tell you that you're gross and that's no rightful behaviour around your girlfriend. I will encourage you, always.  

And of course, what's a good argument without presenting the other case?

.....
Yikeeees - maybe the less said about the disadvantages the better.

Hm...erm, well. Touchy subject, that.