A Less Than Titillating Problem

I have an issue. Perhaps it is not the most dire, pressing, or deserving of your valuable time. You may be in predicaments far worse than my own, and you have my sympathies. But it is an issue that is undoubtedly close to my heart.

Quite literally - my issue is my boobs.

It's alright for some.

Indeed, it seems odd that mine are seemingly causing so much offence, to the extent I feel the need to furiously blog about them (because it's clear this blog is a platform for serious, topical issues...). At the end of the day, we all love a good rack, and mine is frankly not too bad. But sometimes, the "cushions of love" are more like "the furniture of fun-hoovering", particularly if they're attached to me.

For want of a statement a little less dramatic, THEY ARE RUINING MY SELF PERCEPTION.

They are. It is making me tired, bloggees. Tired of going into a clothes shop and finding a dress in my size that I seriously suspect would make me look a little bit like Mila Kunis from a distance, trying it on in the changing rooms, then weeping in despair because it won't fit over my boobs. I am not a big girl. I do not want to feel like I am. I cannot afford tailoring. I rely on these shops for their affordability and accessibility, and if they can't offer clothes to flatter my shape, what else will?

Truthfully, this isn't a blog purely about the humble tatty-bo; it's about the high street. Sure, it is commendable that many high street shops are starting to stock clothes for the larger and petite lady. Less of us feel marginalised, and that's actually wonderful. But I don't feel wonderful when I have to summon a feeble looking shop assistant to physically pull me out of a dress that my boobs have trapped me in.

Oh yeah, that happened. TODAY.

I know what some of you might be thinking - complaining about having a pair is selfish, or ungrateful somehow. On the contrary; thank God I have them. I love mine dearly - they're womanly, fill out a bra nicely and double up as excellent cushions on long train journeys. But they become a problem when I can't find clothes in my size that also accommodate them. Why should I buy a larger size that still won't fit? How is that okay?

If we're entering a new generation that celebrates women of all shapes and sizes, I would like to be a part of this. Anonymous Clothing Bigwig, if for some reason you're exploring the Bloggersphere and find this - help a sister out, and sort it out. I would not like to be left out of wearing pretty clothes I feel good in because of the very curves that we are supposedly embracing in the first place.