"Flog" - Timid Beginnings

HELLO, THY BELOVED READERS - yes, I'm talking to all  4 of you.
Thank you for taking the time to read my first ever "grown up" blog. You've inflated my ego to porportions once considered unthinkable; you care about what I say?! ! I promise I will try and create literary masterpieces - or something very, very close - regularly for your reading pleasures. I won't judge you for rolling your eyes as you read that; don't worry, I know I'm only kidding myself too.

I wasn't going to do a naff little introduction because it is a) ostentatious and b) I am simply not cool enough. Plus, I'm sure my legions of devoted readers already know me pretty well, and have gotten to the stage of gritting their teeth when my name is mentioned.

Firstly, why a blog?

Well, I tend to see a blog more as a platform for projecting shameless fan-fiction about myself. I may hide behind modesty and self-deprecation, but deep down I love the feeling of writing something and people complimenting me. I thrive on compliments. I'm a shallow bastard. They make me feel clever, appreciated; even if deep down we know it's all just an act.

That was only partially a joke - I love writing, there is precious little that makes me feel so elated, and like I'm not such a hopeless case who'll remain in perpetual adolescence without something to be passionate about. I could devise some kind of monologue on its cathartic uses, how inspired I am by books I read and my worshipping of any mortal who can write something that people will remember. But nobody creates "literary masterpieces" based on cliches and what we've all heard before...plus, I'm hoping this blog will be discovered by a publishing bigwig who decides to publish the whole thing as a novel, Le Petit Anglais style. I'm obviously a woman of ambition...

"Blog" is also a terrible word. I hate announcing that I write "blogs" - a blog is written by someone who's interesting, who does interesting things and liaises with interesting people. You know, written by someone who has a life worth discussing with the internet community. Nonetheless, here's my first modest stab at writing something that people might choose to read.

I'd say something about how I aspire to "write a masterpiece", but I fear it may turn out like that crayon picture every child has done; "don't do any more now, or you'll spoil it!".