New Year's Resolutions get some bad press, right? Sure they do. They're just not fashionable; many people believe January 1st to be as arbitrary as every other day of the year; just as good a day as any other to pursue something wonderful and worthwhile. For one person hopeful for a new year of bright beginnings and becoming an improved 2.0 version of their selves, there's about 30 cynical Tweets - what's the point? What's the difference? Who's to say you'll stick at it just because it began at the start of the year?
Well...I'm saying it. I'm going to at least try and say it.
First of my resolutions is simply to forgive. If you've ever done wrong to me, I probably have not let you forget about it. Or, you might think everything's fine and we're on the straight and narrow, but chances are I still associate your name with turds. What an ugly trait - if I've learnt anything this year, it's that humans make mistakes and there's not a single thing we can ever do to take them back. We write on the whiteboards of our lives in permanent marker. So I need to learn how to let go of my anger and bitterness instead of clinging to it like a child to the string of a balloon that's probably going to deflate soon anyway, because - like the ill-fated balloon, really - it's not worth anything.
Furthermore - and this is probably an old classic - I need to seriously stop giving a shit. Not about my uni work, because a degree is probably going to be quite useful and I should probably give a shit about that, but about the people that surely do not deserve a second of my time. I'm not kidding myself, I'm an emotional wreck and I want to give out every part of myself to others and truthfully I totally buzz off of that, but some people just really don't deserve a thing; the people that never say "thank you", or would drop everything they're doing to sort me out like I would for them. Sensitive souls like me are probably never going to become less sensitive (only better at faking it), so it's best to stay surrounded by people who understand rather than undermine that fact.
Perhaps it is silly or overly philosophical - perhaps I've read too many John Green books this year ("too many"? I'm not sure about that..) - but don't we need something to keep us determined and motivated? I'm in my first year of university and there's no denying the loneliness I feel, and the realisation that the only true dependency I can ever have to get me through the path I wish to take in life is on myself. So I like to think that maybe I can put my mind to something that involves "bettering" myself and keep at it. Admittedly, my track record is embarrassing, but that's probably down to thinking resolutions are a bit like wishes, or finding four leaf clovers.
However daft and impractical, it's worth a shot, because in possibly the weirdest quote I am ever going to reference in this blog, President Snow from the Hunger Games once eerily quipped "Hope is the only thing stronger than fear" Pushing aside the fact that he's a bastard, he's kind of right on the money, here - maybe the hope of getting things in life right beats the fear of continuing to do them wrong. I'm hopeful, I really am.
Thursday 26 December 2013
Saturday 7 December 2013
Drunk Text Juliet
There is only so many times you can listen to "Girl" by Destiny's Child, and eat so many packets of Digestives, before you have to face that the day just isn't going to improve. I'm not in a great mood.
A lot of it is to do with my first ever university exams approaching - all three of them! THREE OF THEM! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE OFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF THEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've essentially signed up to do my A Levels again. Twice a year. For the next four years.
That's only a small factor contributing to my woes, however, Largely my sulky disposition is down to the fact that last night after a few too many Strongbows (aka about 3, aka, too many for Flo and her lack of ability to soak up alcohol like a real man) I drunk messaged a few people that possibly don't deserve the joys of my merry intoxicated self. And now I'm a bit embarrassed and well...ashamed. I mean, what's a "good drunk"? But still, there is a "loser drunk" and I fear I fulfil that perfectly.
This is the topic of today's blog - drunk texting people you shouldn't. Why do we do it? Note the "we" - I recognise that in many areas of life I am probably more of a loser than you are, but I would bet a lot of Digestives that you've sent a few messages when you were a bit tiddly, too. But as ever I have baffled myself, and did what all baffled people do - Google the problem. If there aren't any explanations, it isn't a problem.
Low and behold:
I also know that I'm not alone:
It really is a dreadful habit I've fallen into since having internet data all the time on my phone. After I've had the pathetic amount it takes to get me drunk, I put the bottle down and pick my phone up. I wish I could go through my elaborate thought process which leads to this happening literally every single time but I honestly don't know what possesses me to stop trying to do the robot and text everybody instead.
Well, I say "everybody" - faces from the past, people I have somewhat tricky relationships with now, occasionally my parents...and let's face it, they don't want "HEY GUYYSYSYSYSSYSYSY!!" from their child.
According to the internet, my need to text my little weary heart out is because I miss the recipients and wouldn't normally reach out to them. Truthfully, I daren't look at what I sent after last night to see if I wrote anything along those lines, since I already feel embarrassed and it might thrust me into the "don't leave bedroom. Ever. You sad cow" stage.
The obvious solution to end the weekly devastation the next day when I inspect my phone inbox and Facebook chat would be to keep my phone the hell away from me when I go out. However, my phone is a big source of comfort for me; it enables me with the ability to contact/wail endlessly down the phone to my folks at a second's notice. Another solution would be to only go to clubs with no signal but again, that's not a practical thing to base your night out around - what about the Instagram selfies? What about the drunk Twitter stalking?
But maybe it's all futile, anyway. At the end of the day, alcohol makes you feel invincible. Daiquiris tell you that you can dance. Beer makes you bulletproof. Lager makes you laugh in the face of your biggest fears, then run away from them the next day. You can well and truly shed your inhibitions and reach out to people you usually try not to think about. Alcohol bestows even the most faint hearted with a kind of bravery they might not ordinarily know; the kind of bravery where they forget about how mortified they'll be in the morning when inbox inspections go down.
With that in mind, next time you receive a drunk message - however incomprehensible, however long it's been - don't look at your phone in horror. Smile to yourself. At least somebody's having one single thought of you when their real issue is whether they should get up and slut drop on the table or not. They've got better things to get on with and yet they're still thinking about you.
A lot of it is to do with my first ever university exams approaching - all three of them! THREE OF THEM! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE OFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF THEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've essentially signed up to do my A Levels again. Twice a year. For the next four years.
That's only a small factor contributing to my woes, however, Largely my sulky disposition is down to the fact that last night after a few too many Strongbows (aka about 3, aka, too many for Flo and her lack of ability to soak up alcohol like a real man) I drunk messaged a few people that possibly don't deserve the joys of my merry intoxicated self. And now I'm a bit embarrassed and well...ashamed. I mean, what's a "good drunk"? But still, there is a "loser drunk" and I fear I fulfil that perfectly.
This is the topic of today's blog - drunk texting people you shouldn't. Why do we do it? Note the "we" - I recognise that in many areas of life I am probably more of a loser than you are, but I would bet a lot of Digestives that you've sent a few messages when you were a bit tiddly, too. But as ever I have baffled myself, and did what all baffled people do - Google the problem. If there aren't any explanations, it isn't a problem.
Low and behold:
 |
| It's a problem. No walking away with my tail between my legs. |
I also know that I'm not alone:
It really is a dreadful habit I've fallen into since having internet data all the time on my phone. After I've had the pathetic amount it takes to get me drunk, I put the bottle down and pick my phone up. I wish I could go through my elaborate thought process which leads to this happening literally every single time but I honestly don't know what possesses me to stop trying to do the robot and text everybody instead.
Well, I say "everybody" - faces from the past, people I have somewhat tricky relationships with now, occasionally my parents...and let's face it, they don't want "HEY GUYYSYSYSYSSYSYSY!!" from their child.
According to the internet, my need to text my little weary heart out is because I miss the recipients and wouldn't normally reach out to them. Truthfully, I daren't look at what I sent after last night to see if I wrote anything along those lines, since I already feel embarrassed and it might thrust me into the "don't leave bedroom. Ever. You sad cow" stage.
The obvious solution to end the weekly devastation the next day when I inspect my phone inbox and Facebook chat would be to keep my phone the hell away from me when I go out. However, my phone is a big source of comfort for me; it enables me with the ability to contact/wail endlessly down the phone to my folks at a second's notice. Another solution would be to only go to clubs with no signal but again, that's not a practical thing to base your night out around - what about the Instagram selfies? What about the drunk Twitter stalking?
But maybe it's all futile, anyway. At the end of the day, alcohol makes you feel invincible. Daiquiris tell you that you can dance. Beer makes you bulletproof. Lager makes you laugh in the face of your biggest fears, then run away from them the next day. You can well and truly shed your inhibitions and reach out to people you usually try not to think about. Alcohol bestows even the most faint hearted with a kind of bravery they might not ordinarily know; the kind of bravery where they forget about how mortified they'll be in the morning when inbox inspections go down.
With that in mind, next time you receive a drunk message - however incomprehensible, however long it's been - don't look at your phone in horror. Smile to yourself. At least somebody's having one single thought of you when their real issue is whether they should get up and slut drop on the table or not. They've got better things to get on with and yet they're still thinking about you.
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