New Year's Resolutions get some bad press, right? Sure they do. They're just not fashionable; many people believe January 1st to be as arbitrary as every other day of the year; just as good a day as any other to pursue something wonderful and worthwhile. For one person hopeful for a new year of bright beginnings and becoming an improved 2.0 version of their selves, there's about 30 cynical Tweets - what's the point? What's the difference? Who's to say you'll stick at it just because it began at the start of the year?
Well...I'm saying it. I'm going to at least try and say it.
First of my resolutions is simply to forgive. If you've ever done wrong to me, I probably have not let you forget about it. Or, you might think everything's fine and we're on the straight and narrow, but chances are I still associate your name with turds. What an ugly trait - if I've learnt anything this year, it's that humans make mistakes and there's not a single thing we can ever do to take them back. We write on the whiteboards of our lives in permanent marker. So I need to learn how to let go of my anger and bitterness instead of clinging to it like a child to the string of a balloon that's probably going to deflate soon anyway, because - like the ill-fated balloon, really - it's not worth anything.
Furthermore - and this is probably an old classic - I need to seriously stop giving a shit. Not about my uni work, because a degree is probably going to be quite useful and I should probably give a shit about that, but about the people that surely do not deserve a second of my time. I'm not kidding myself, I'm an emotional wreck and I want to give out every part of myself to others and truthfully I totally buzz off of that, but some people just really don't deserve a thing; the people that never say "thank you", or would drop everything they're doing to sort me out like I would for them. Sensitive souls like me are probably never going to become less sensitive (only better at faking it), so it's best to stay surrounded by people who understand rather than undermine that fact.
Perhaps it is silly or overly philosophical - perhaps I've read too many John Green books this year ("too many"? I'm not sure about that..) - but don't we need something to keep us determined and motivated? I'm in my first year of university and there's no denying the loneliness I feel, and the realisation that the only true dependency I can ever have to get me through the path I wish to take in life is on myself. So I like to think that maybe I can put my mind to something that involves "bettering" myself and keep at it. Admittedly, my track record is embarrassing, but that's probably down to thinking resolutions are a bit like wishes, or finding four leaf clovers.
However daft and impractical, it's worth a shot, because in possibly the weirdest quote I am ever going to reference in this blog, President Snow from the Hunger Games once eerily quipped "Hope is the only thing stronger than fear" Pushing aside the fact that he's a bastard, he's kind of right on the money, here - maybe the hope of getting things in life right beats the fear of continuing to do them wrong. I'm hopeful, I really am.
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